And they lived happily forever!

Oct 25 2009 - The average amount of time a youngster spends on a computer is almost half of the total time he is awake. Thanks to the internet.

2015 AD - Work from home - Commuting to and from work became a big overhead. People started working from home full-time.

2025 AD - Play from home/Shop from home/"Do what you want" from home - There was no need to take the pain of going out to do anything. Everything was just a click away.

2040 AD - Most of the menial work human beings do are replaced by machines/computers - ATM's, Gas stations, Automated cars, and fully computerized shops, hotels, post offices, - you name it.

2100 AD - Slowly more intelligent machines replace human beings in other intellectual professions - teaching, research, art ...

2200 AD - The only work human beings have been doing - inventing new machines, is also done by machines now. There is absolutely no job that human beings can do but machines can't.

2300 AD - Machines will do anything and everything. Only activites human beings do are eat, sleep, reproduce. (remember caveman?)

2500 AD - Eating food was such a waste of time. A new vaccine was invented that would be administered as soon as a baby is born, so that it will never get the "hunger disease" in its life. Without human beings eating, he is not able to tolerate other disturbances like plants and animals on earth. Slowly all other plants and animals are "made to go extinct". Digestive system and the related organs slowly become vestigial.

After a few hundred years - Reproduction is the only physical activity that human beings do. Someone comes up with a bright idea - What if I can simulate the "effect" in human brain without having to go through so much physical stress. People started liking the idea and eventually just like everyone fell a prey for facebook and twitter, they adopt this one universally too.

A few hundred years passed - Wait a min... if you are still thinking of human beings as a species with a pair of limbs, a pair of hands and a head over a trunk, you are wrong. They don't have hands or legs any more. They have not been using them for so many hundred years. They dont have mouth or ears. They interact with other human beings through neuro-transponders. They just have a brain (to sense) , a lung (to breathe). The size of a human being is 1 cubic feet almost like a soccer ball.

After a few hundred years the human beings started thinking - "why should I strain myself breathing and sensing all stupid stuff around me?". Slowly they became even more lazy that their only two organs - brain and lungs also became vestigial. After sometime, the rest of the (so called?) human beings get sedimented into a new form of rock called the homo-sapien rocks. And the machines lived happily for ever throwing homo-sapien rocks at each other.

Vadivelu Interview

For all those hardcore Vadivelu fans:

Interview Part1

Interview Part2

Everybody wants a Guitar :)

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.

Shivji khush.

Prakat hue.

Bole.

Puttar maang ...

maang kya chahiye tujhey !

Bhakth utha ...

Bola - "Shivji! Mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !"

Shivji bole - "kaisa gadha hai ?"

Unhone kaha - "puttar! tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai, kuch bada maang!"

Woh fir bola - "nahi ji, mujhey to aap guitar hi do!"

Shivji ne phir samajhaya - "abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ...!"

Par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola "nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !"

Shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage, bole "yaar tu kuch aur maang.. guitar

na maang..."

Woh bola - "nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye!!"

abb shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)

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"Saale!! agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyun bajata.."

Every class has these, what were you???

Sri Ram S(c)ene

The whole of Bangalore is brimming with news about Sri Ram Sene planning to protest and disrupt the Valentine's day celebrations in the city. But, this is not going to be any other rally or hunger strike or violence. Mr Pramod Muthalik has devised a new way to help couples in the pipeline, waiting for their official confirmation (Wedding). He knows exactly what he is doing. Do you??

NDTV, got in touch with the Sene chief to drill out some useful facts and gain a deeper understanding of the Sene. Here are some mind-boggling and thought-provoking excerpts from the interview.

Correpondent: Welcome Muthalik Ji!
MM : Jaaaai Sri Raam!!

Correspondent: There has been news about you planning to perform a Ram Vivaaha throughout the city. Is this true?
MM: [nods his head]

Correspondent: So, what are your plans? And what's your agenda?
MM: Well, I plan to roam around the city on the fine day of Feb 14 with my benevolent soldiers (codenamed vaanar sene) in gangs, armed with close-circuit cameras, priests and other raw materials necessary for a typical hindu wedding. We subsequently spot couples in each locality of the city (Ram Sene members are by default exempted from the same, under the Act_of_Ayodhya-12A. We are doing this to prevent any accidental reverse-kalai) and if found dating, we take them to the nearest temples where a Ram Sene Priest performs their wedding and then they are taken to the HR's Desk (Registrar Office) for further confirmation where the couple are named as Ram[dot]Guys_Actual_Name and Sita[dot]Girls_Actual_Name.

Correspondent: But then, Bangalore is a city teeming with couples. How do you plan to deal with such high numbers?
MM: To handle the entire bulk of Bangalore couples, Ram Sene is running special vehicles called Ayodhya Vaahans, which offer home pickup as well. All you need to do is call 1100-2000-3100 (TOLL FREE) OR sms Hamari Shaadi Karvao [SPACE] Muthalik Mama to 323.

Correspondent: Making use of technology! Impressive, Mr Muthaaa... [looks at his notes]
MM: Mama!! You can call me Muthalik Mama :)

Correspondent: So, what are your long term goals?
MM: I believe that Ram Vivaaha is going to set a trend for the younger generation. I am able to see that kids in the future will have debates on Ram Vivaha Vs Arranged Marriage in their schools/colleges.

Correspondent: Would it be a logically sound inference that Ram Vivaaha would happen only on Feb 14?
MM: Ofcourse, Ram Vivaha is built upon a bunch of insanely set premises.

Correspondent: Interesting! Could you please elaborate on that?
MM: Well..
-All weddings are performed ONLY ONCE in a calendar year during the auspicious day (shubh muhurth) of Feb 14.
-Eligiblity Criteria : Indian Citizen and not a current or ex-member of Ram Sene :)
-Due to heavy rush, it is advisable that you inform us of your location well in advance so that we can pick you up accordingly
-Female members, who could potentially seduce The Mutalik Mama himself are strictly prohibited from applying
-Male members, wearing revealing clothes like torn-jeans and boxer shots are also strictly prohibited from applying (as MM is not very confident about his orientation)

Correspondent: We also heard that you make the girl tie rakhi to the guy. Why is that so?
MM: [chuckles to himself] Its simple! Whenever WE find the girl to be an eye-candy, we make her tie a rakhi to the guy. For all our services, this is a minimal sur-charge :)

Correspondent: It looks like you have an inherent dislike towards love-marriage. Why is it so?
MM: [gives a terse one-line reply] Lord Rama had an arranged marriage unlike Lord Krishna.

Correspondent: Hmm.. So, what does your Sene have in mind for the future?

MM: We have a stiff target to meet and several miles to leap. Our next plans are -
- Ban Salsa classes. Victims will be forced to pair up for a salsa with a Ram Sene member (**Conditions Apply)
- Guys sporting long hair OR dying/hair-coloring their hair. Victims will be immediately taken
to Tirupathi to have their entire hair shaven and dropped back home with ONE laddoo :)
- Couples spotted on two-wheelers shall be immediately asked to stop and thereafter continue the journey on a special donkey provided by Sri Ram Sene.
- Co-Ed schools/colleges shall have separate partitions for girls and guys styudying in the same class with a tamper-proof wall in between.
- Mixed Doubles form of sport shall be condemned strictly. Recent match involving Sania Mirza and Mahesh Bhupathi shall be the last one in the entire history! Victims shall be made to play kabadi in our clay court.
- LalBagh and CubbonPark shall be turned into LalMandir and KambanKoil respectively
- We understand that banning the perennial chain of CCDs and Barista's throughout the city might not be effective. So, a time slice of 5 minutes per couple shall be imposed in these coffee shops, beyond which they shall be siezed by the Sri Ram Sene and become MM's property.
- All duet songs in Bollywood shall be remade as Devotional songs retaining the cast (but with a modified costume :P)

Correspondent: It has been said that you have criticized the trend amongst the current youth or rather inclination towards Rock and Western music. Any comments or justification?
MM: [sounding furious] The youth these days are taking us away from our sweet history of music. Its a rapid degradation of music. Our mythology too had music bands but then the instruments were different. We had Goddess Saraswathi on the lead Veena, Lord Krishna on the Flute and Naarad on the Rhythm Pads. I strongly urge people to get back to our tradition or else we would have to take stringent measures.

Correspondent: I am afraid we are running out of the time Mr Mutalik Mama and I shall have to cut-short this session. But, I must admit it was a pleasure talking to you.
MM: [totally surprised by the abrupt end and forgetting his mantra] Jaaai ...
Corresponent: Jaaai Sri Raam!

The Function of Ram Sene - RamSene()







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A News Article on the above issue.

Romantic 1st lines, Deadly 2nd lines..

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

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I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

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I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

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My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

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My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

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What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Don't swallow you gum!!

Some of the best Vadivel's Dialogues..

Couldn't stop myself from sharing these hilarious tracks online..













P.S> For the benefit of those who aren't aware of Vadivelu - "He's a leading comedian
in the Tamil Cinema"..

Definition of Cricket..

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out. When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game! Simple!

Does a fish go pee..

Does a fish go pee
when it's swimming in the sea?
Does it ever get the notion
when it's swimming in the ocean?
Does a fish take a leak
when it's swimming in the creek?
Do they do it in a muddle
when you see them in a puddle?
Does a fish ever miss
when it's taking a p___,
Does a fish find urination
when in the farmer's irrigation?
Do you think they're rather fond
of going potty in the pond,
and, then, for goodness sake,
do they go while in the lake?
Do they tinkle at all
while in the waterfall?
Could you see a yellow gleam
as they do it in the stream?
Now take a little quiz:
Does a fish ever whiz?
Does a fish go pee
when it's swimming in the sea?

Courtesy : FunnyPoets

Why product testing is so important !